John 5:6 – “Do you want to get well?”
Yes, Jesus, I want to be well in all the areas in my soul that are suffering, in pain and in constant agitation.
Just one word from You and my soul will healed. Lord, command healing and peace to my soul and I will live.
The life I am living in my soul right now is hindering me from moving forward. My mind is full of negative, insecure thoughts full of failure and loss. Life’s circumstances, rather than your Word and Your Spirit, have groomed me to be fearful and to doubt myself.
Lord Jesus, I am tired of being paralyzed in my life by negative limiting mindsets that handicap me with unbelief, fear and judgment. Am so ready to let these go, take up my worship mat and WALK in all You have for me! I want to get well!
I’m getting on my knees right now to repent for accepting, receiving and believing the lies of the enemy.
I wrote this journal entry last summer when the Lord began dealing with areas in my thinking that were keeping me trapped in paralysis. Sometimes, the Lord has to allow us to become so miserable in our dysfunction that we cry out to Him in desperation. I think you can hear that desperation in my voice in the journal entry above.
So here’s the rest of the story: since this time, the Lord has done a miracle in me! One of the things that was holding me back and pushing my head under was an area of unforgiveness that I wasn’t aware of. I thought I was “over” the situation as it happened years ago. I was maintaining a fairly good relationship with the people involved, so I thought I was so mature and spiritual. NOT!
As the summer went on, I was able to identify the area of bitterness. But I thought I was supposed to deal with it in a confrontational way. Thankfully, I do love the Lord and the proper respect for the Lord kept me in check until the Lord could speak to me about my ‘heart problem’.
Here’s how He did it: One day, one of my children did something that really hurt me and offended me. I felt incredibly disrespected by the way they communicated with me about something that bothered them in our relationship. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, the Lord said to me, “How is the way they treated you different than the way you are treating the people in this situation? You felt judged and rebuked by your child. Aren’t you doing the same exact thing to the people in this situation using your judgment and bitterness as your flogging tool?”
You could have blown me over with a whisper in that moment. All at once, the realization of the true condition of my heart brought a repentance that was real and effective. And as soon as I was cleansed from that bitterness and unforgiveness, the dam of the Lord’s refreshing opened. All of the areas that were so dry and crusty were once again receiving the rain of His presence. New life started to bud again. I experienced the empowering sense of knowing that I was walking in alignment with His will.
I pray this testimony will bless you and encourage you to keep pressing in to the Lord’s presence. Don’t let up until you get an answer for what ails you. Let your desperation fuel your pursuit and you will not be disappointed.
- As you were reading my story, could you identify with the feelings of being “stuck” or of feeling caught in bitterness like quicksand?
- Have you rehearsed the situation where you were wronged and had conversations about the way you were wronged until you’re tired of even hearing your own voice? Has that endless dialogue helped you feel better or do you start to broil with increased bitterness?
If you truly are ready to get well, you’re going to have to let go of the bottle of poison in your hand. Drinking that poison of bitterness is going to make you sick while the other person or people go on living. While it sounds unfair and unjust that you will “let them go” after all they have done to you, the choice to remain bitter means that you will never experience all of the refreshing, the love, and the peace that God has for you. You are choosing to stay agitated instead of choosing to get well.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what they did to you didn’t matter. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. When we forgive those who injured us, we are bringing that injury to the Lord and then allowing Him to be the judge and jury on how it’s handled. We don’t ignore it. We look at it and then release it. We don’t massage the wrong into being “not that big of a deal”. No, on the contrary. We honestly evaluate it as big and then give it to God who is able to heal the biggest wounds and right the biggest wrongs.
Here’s to your freedom!